A few months ago, my pooch, who has been with me for 15 years, died. There’s nothing like the death of a loved one to make you rethink some stuff. Like whether its a good idea to leave your family behind and make a lonely trek to another country.
Yesterday, loneliness hit me hard. I began imagining what life in Adelaide alone will be like. Will I be that poor old lady who died unnoticed for 18 days? Will I be a depressed person holed up in some slum?
Nevermind that my sis and cousin – both girls – left Malaysia on their own to start new lives in the US and New Zealand. Their endevour ended up successful: my cousin has an enviable job while my sis found a job despite the economy being what it is in the US.
Somehow that big paranoid part of me believes that i will fail when they have succeeded, as if I feel that its my karma to not be able to live in a foreign country.
The fear of being alone and depressed in a foreign country is tempting me to not go to Oz even if I do get my 475 visa. Fortunately this feeling ebbs after a while and a few days after my gloomy thoughts, I feel optimistic about the future again. Does anyone feel this way?
Some say I am lucky to make the trek alone because I wont have to worry about feeding a family while I am struggling to find a job. But having family around is great as you can lean on them when the going gets tough.
And I have to bloody tell my paranoid side that when I go off to Australia I am better off than my sis and cousin who absolutely had no one where they were going.
I have a cousin in Melbourne, friends in Sydney and Melbourne, and better, a cousin will join me in Adelaide – we may be migrating together.
I mean, seriously, how paranoid can I get?
So my question to those who have made the move – did u feel like this before leaving for another country?