That’s what a good friend told me a few weeks ago. I stared at her incredulously, and she sighed.
“What can I tell you to convince you that I’m right? You just want people to agree with you about your decision, actually.”
She isn’t the first person to tell me I’ve made up my mind. Okay, she’s the second.
And after a week in Hong Kong, immersed in the sights and sounds and remembering how much I love, love, love travel. I have to agree with her. I have made up my mind that I’m going. I’m scared shitless about doing so, but a big part of me is saying, “Go. Because if you don’t, you’re going to wither in some way.”
As I read blogs about people who decide to go on a career break, a sabbatical and travel the world, I realise that this feeling – fear, anxiety, panic – is pretty normal before making the big leap. What I’m feeling is normal, not an indication that I’m about to make the biggest mistake of my life. A lot of these folks felt the same thing I did, felt the fear and did it anyway. And many did not regret doing it.
I want to make the move to Australia because I need to. I just simply need to. I can’t really put it in words. I’m not moving because of my kids (don’t have any). I am not moving for “greener pastures” (what the hell does that mean anyway?). I am, cliched as it is, trying to find myself.
I felt almost guilty for abandoning a job that has given me so much, and which was my dream job for years. Like, I should be happy. I should be happy with this for the rest of my life, right?
No, because people – and companies change.
After a recent ‘pep talk’ by our CEO, I realise how much my vision has changed in line with the company’s. To put it simply, my company’s vision is no longer my vision. For the longest time I thought I could ignore that, just be real, and chug on.
A colleague told me, when I was telling her about this, that I must be a person who believes in utopia to think like that.
Actually, LOL, no. I am such a realist that it stands in the way of living my dreams. Here’s the thing: I am no longer content to live my life closing one eye.
So I’m not happy with my work – but it pays the bills. I hate how the company does things, but if I stay low and pretend that it’s not happening, I can pocket my salary and buy nice things. I may not be happy being in Malaysia, but as Zewt always quips – but the food is good. I’m tired out of my mind doing what I do, burnt out to the gills, but I have a nice apartment and a 42″ flat screen TV.
None of this is enough anymore. What I want is a life worth living!
Can you relate to that? Have people looked at you sideways for even daring to voice that desire out? Well, I can tell you that they won’t be happy that you’re trying to bust out of something they’ve grudgingly accepted. The thing is to focus on what you want for your life and to hell with everything else.
Though, I am only learning this myself 🙂