I’ve been quiet on the job front, mostly because I prefer not to talk about work in a public blog but also because I wasn’t certain about my situation. But anyway, to cut a long story short, I am currently jobless and am now hunting for work, like thousands of other migrants here. Why? You can read my post My personal brush with Sham Contracting for more details.
Again I’m confronted with the fears of What if I fail?
What if I fail …
- to get a job and I lose my savings?
- to fulfill the terms of my 475 visa and fail to get that coveted PR?
- to live in Adelaide, the place I consider awesome to live?
As I confront the sea of uncertainty before me, fear and doubts began to creep in. A part of me is shaking, wondering what I should do now. The fear is paralysing sometimes. During this time, one of the realities I had to face was that I cannot pin my hopes on any human being – God along is going to see me through. I have to face the fact that human beings are unrealiable and that’s just the way things are.
I have become really introspective during this time. Why is it that we Asians fear failure so much? Why is it considered such a bad thing to return to Malaysia after giving Australia a go? And if I decide to return to Malaysia, is that such a bad thing?
A friend and I observed that in the forums Poms in Adelaide, there’s a category called “Returning to the UK“. British people who decide to leave Australia to return home to the UK is given encouragement when they make that decision. However, there’s a definite lack of that in our Malaysian forums. What I see is lots and lots of encouragement and support to make it here, but near silence when it comes to people leaving… (crickets chirping). Ocassionally, I see people posting on the Malaysian in Adelaide Facebook forum that they’re leaving, and that’s met with puzzlement. Fear, even.
So a lot of times, those who have left Australia leave in silence… better leave quietly than to be faced with the questions, the probing … and the loss of face, perhaps?
But this whole jobless situation also made me think about what really makes me happy. I mean, back in Malaysia, I had what you considered a really good life. I had the job I loved, friends who supported me, an apartment all to myself etc. But I was shocked that I wasn’t happy. So, I thought freeing myself from all things Malaysian would make me happy. When I came to Australia, I thought that meeting certain criteria would make me happy – get a job, cycle to work etc. But that too proved false.
It made me realise that happiness is not about meeting your goals, but about being happy with your present, and putting your focus on the right things … perhaps I’ll be finally happy when I realise I don’t need to meet lofty goals to be happy. That I can be happy being average or a nobody.
So, if you have to leave Australia to return home, how would you feel? Just curious.